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Below are 15 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Josh's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, March 9th, 2003
1:17 pm
what a weekend
i had the weekend of a lifetime. well almost. thursday i went to harpos which actually kinda sucked but i finally realized why i dot hang out with those poeple that were there. i dont drink or smoke so that explains a lot. i also learned something about marsha that i'm not so sure about. like i heard froma certain someone that she is ike an alcholic. but then i heard from someone else that she drinks but not a lot. like i really dont like the drinkning thing in the first place but i think like she is so nice that i dont want to lose her even though i dont really have her yet. so yeah that was thursday. fri i went to damons and then to allison's house. that was like the best night in the world. we played ctach prhase wich had to be the most hilarious thing in the world. an then on top of it we played hide and go seek on the dark that was so hilarious. me and allison are sweet at it though so go us. and dana was just stupid. if you ahdf to find him all you had to say was "KILL ALL MOOPIGS" and dana would say "f*** you" and you knew where he was. that was fun as hell though. and saturday i spent all day trying to get a hold of marsha but i dont think her phone was on the whole day. or she just wasnt near it. so yeah she probabaly has like 25 missed calls from me alone. oh well i tried to hook up with her last night but never happened. so insteasd me milter dana and ugly appathy went to go see gangs of new york. good movie but very long. especially when your in the front row. oh and i hope rachael had the time of her life last night. she knows what i mean by that. so yeah that was my weekend. cya later.

Current Mood: indescribable
Thursday, March 6th, 2003
7:04 pm
its over finally
i eel sorry for yesterday for wehoever readt that journal. it was just real mad a t the time and i want to apologize. i mean at least i took it out on the journal and not anyone. that would have been really bad. i would have felt really bad.

alright janet i read your journal im kinda wondering what you and tony are talkng about. but if you dont want ot tell me thats cool. if you just needed to talk to tony about it then thats awesome. i dont need to know everything. also i am not tryingto be rude in anyway but its not that shes hott but she is nice and she ahs a good personality. not truthfully i cant tell everything from only tslking to her like twice but im pretty sure on this one. i really do appreciate you looking out for me though. thanx so much for everything janet.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

alright besides that today wa sjust so much better cuz it wasnt yesterday. im over the game and over evrything. things happen like that for a reason so its all done for a purpose. things cant always go my way and thats the way life goes so go everything. i feel so laid back today.

and i got to talk to marsha again today and she is so awesome. she is fun to talk to and she is just... i dont know how to describe her considering i've only talked to her twice. but what i do know about her is great. i finally got her number so im gonna call her tomorrow and try to hook up with her tomorrow or just over the weekend sometime. i cant wait.

alright im gonna go now so hope to see ya later.

Current Mood: anxious
Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
8:34 pm
i hate everything
life sux. we go to the game all pumped up and its a good game and all. i finally get in the game and what do i do but f*** the whole thing up. not once but twice. i miss a pass but it was over my head so i guess it wasnt my fault but then i throw the damn ball away when i should have gotten it and passed it easy. f*** this all. i still have to finish my cards for my frickin reasearch paper wqhich is due tomowrorow. i hate life. well just for today at least. and on top of it marsha finally shows up at like 3rd quarter i thik. i was looking for hte whole game and what do i do but screw up when shes there. i looked like shit doing it to. i am geting a haircut. i have finally decided cuz i thikn i looked like shit tonight. my hair is so bad and out of control. juts f*** everything. hopefully by tomrrow everything will be good. and i never even got to meet her. i practically raced out of the locker room to go and talk to marsha and what happens they like kick eryone out of the gym before i can even get there. god im so pissed i really wanted to meet her. LIFE SUCKS. alrigh enough anger i gotta go work on the damn project. later.

Current Mood: pissed off
Monday, March 3rd, 2003
10:00 pm
im so pumped
things are awsome right now. i finished like everything i needed to finish for school. and i found out that if i estimated my grades right by saturday at interims i will have a 3.5 which is so amazingly good for me. wow that would be crazy. and i just found out that johny lamb might come back into town for the weekend. that would be so awesome. and im goin to the new found glory, good charlotte, and less than jake concert with dana, project, mike and mike and a lot more people. wow that is gonna be the best concert ever. everything just seems to be going real well. and i talked to sappy today too. man that girl is just awesome. she is so funny and nice and considerate and wow i just..wow. and our game wednesday is gonna be sweet. AND EVERYONE BETTER GO. cuz we are gonna win and then the district finals baby. so yeah im pumped for that. yet im very scared too. we just buzzed quirrings head to and i said that if we win then i would let them buzz my head too. well at least thats what they think i said. they interpreted it wrong. i said i'd think about it. they are gonna like tie me down and buzz it. i would be so disappointed and it would look very bad. anyway time to go. later.

Current Mood: excited
Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
9:39 pm
what a weekend
wow this has been the busiest weekend for me in a long time. i got pounded with like 3 essays and a lot of homework. and on top of it we won on wednesday to beat the #1 SEED WARRENSVILLE HTS. oh hell yeah. i actually played too. in the first half. crazy i know. so yeah friday i went to see old school with like everyone. that movie is hilarious. yeah but before that i had to get the first art of my scholarship essay done. man what a job. and then saturday morning we had practice at 9:30 and we got out at 11 and i didn't get hoime till 11:30. Katie Bober picked me up at like 12 so i was like runnging through the house getting a shower and getting dresssed. crazieness. and then we wetn to the game which is always fun when your with the most awesome friends in the world. but the game itself sucked. it was very disappointing. yeah so dana came over at like 5. and from 5 till 11:30 we played ncaa football and of course i won but wow thats a lot of football. and then 12 was mother son bowling and that was just sweet. fun times had there. so we got home at like 3:30 and dana slept over. i got up like 5 times for some ungodly known reason and it pissed me off but hey what you gonna do. but yeah so pat called at like 9 to tell dana about paintball so yeah i was up at 9 instead of being able to sleep in like i never get to do because of damn bball. so i got up and i figured i was gonna go to churcdh but the plain dealer locker room awas on and we were on for beating warrensville so i went against going to church. which was probabaly the wrong decision but i'll go next weekend. so we had practice at 12 and we watched films for 2 frickin hours. god that sucked. i wanted to fall asleep so many times. i think i did at some points. and then i came home to work on the other essay and the research project and guess how muhc of the research paper i have done. yeah nothing. i was so tired. but it will get done. and i really love rachael. i never really noticced how much she meant to me but i think i would really miss her f anything happened to her. it doesnt even have to do with me trying to hook up with marsha but rachael is just so fun to be around. i love that girl. but not as much as some of the girls in my life. we all know who they are so i dont have to mention there names (janet my wife). sorry had to ge that out. anyway so yeah this is really long and i dont have anything else. so later .

Current Mood: sleepy
Tuesday, February 25th, 2003
8:26 pm
too much work
everything has been going sweet lately. bball is almost over but then track is next and i know thats gonna taker up just as much time if not more. but its cool cuz i know it's gonna be fun. alot of my friends are on the track team so it will be awesome. i also finally realized that i am officially over jewls. there is just other girls in my life that i like a lot more right now like Katie Bober, Janet, and Megan. these three mean the world to me. there is also another girl that i might hook up with because of my budsdy rachel but knowing my luck probabaly not. i don't know what it is but like i don't think of jewls as much let alone at all sometimes. i mean i think about her but not like i want her. ya know what i mean? its hard to say but you probably understand. adn this thing with joe is like over. not really but it's like i realized that so what if he dsoesnt't like me (and he has good reason not to like me) cuz he'll be gone within a couple months. i'll never see him again and it will be over. kinda mean but it really doesn't bother me but if things happen and we get over this crap then good for us but if not hey oh well.

yeah also positive was winter formal and the morality retreat. winter formal just had to be the best time. everyone was just so awesome for it all. i must agree with janet on the freshman "revealing" part though. but it just had to be the best tie. i was with the people that meant the most to me so it was great. and turthfully the retreat wasn't the best. the people were mostly all my friends but i think it just caused more tensions between poeple. like i was part of the jock group and truthfully i didn't agree with some of the stuff we said. like the thing about NHS. hey if god gave you the smarts then more power to you. but i dont know that was just gay some of the things we said. but the retreat itself was pretty cool.

alright on a bad note. i have so much crap to do withn a short time. i have so many essays to write and this college stuff is killing me. im getting so stressed yet trying to do so much more than i think i can. i still have to do my career questions and this research paper just came out of nowhere. alright there is so much more but i really gotta get started on this stuff so i'll cya later.

Current Mood: busy
Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
10:35 pm
things are sweet!
everything is goin great right now. valentine's day was a great success. the expression on their faces just gave me the most awesome feeling inside. katie bober didn't know it but i had talked to the mrs. before hand. i asked mrs. bober to put it on the kitchen table in the morning. man was she suprised. i had put megabn's in her locker the morning of and she just gave me this face that said so much. her smile just picked everything up off the ground. and janet's had to be the most fun. me joe and allison had kept this secret from janet and it pissed her off so much. but if any of us would have told her than she would have been even more pissed that we told her. haha. i had joe make sure her car door was unlocked the morning of and i put it on her car seat. it was the perfect setup. we bugged janet about it all day and she wasn't able to find out about it till after school. she practically ran out of school to get to her car. it was so funny but well worth it. janet just has this look that says " ilove you" and it just always makes me feel so good. sometimes i wonder how she puts up with me. just wait till we get married. wow that will be a disaster. i'll drive her crazy. haha. yeah so that was v day. i was gonna by them flowers but man i have spent so much money over christmas and v day for these girls i think im gonna go broke. but man it's worth it. so yeah thats all good. oh and i have thought about me not talking to jewls and man i am such a JERK! i mean yeah it was kinda wrong for her not to say anything but then again i didn't say anything either. i just wish i could go back in time to junior ring and just like make sure that this never happened. i guess its good we got so close but man it hurts when you get screwed and then her boyfriend won't even talk to you. man i hope i can talk to joe about this crap cuz everyone has such a good relationship with the kid but me. i kinda fe like that when hes around i can't be myself. i kinda shy away and i most definaltey am not like that. so anyway enough about that. yeah so we won our 4th game andi just won $20 from cattle cuz he bet me we wouldnt win more that 3 games so hell yeah. im psyched even more now cuz i got my junior retreat tomrrow and thats a day oof of school which i really need. well gonna go. cya later.

Current Mood: relaxed
Thursday, February 13th, 2003
9:35 pm
its been awhile
alright well its been awhile since i've had one so heres as good a time as ever. life's good i guess. i have three things happening to three special people tomorrow. they are gonna be so surprised. especially katie bober. haha she has no idea. hopefully she wont read this. oh well. oh so i heard who the leaders are for kairos amd joe is one of them. im kinda glad cuz hopefully we'll be able to sort things out cuz i really don't wanna have to be worried about it when im there. alright his is gonna be really short cuz i gotta go but i can't wait till tomorrow. luv ya.

Current Mood: anxious
Monday, February 10th, 2003
10:30 pm
im back
its not that i don't wanna be friends with her its just that it ticks me off that now that joe was there we can't be friends or something. if anyone really knows me then you know i hate to lose friends. it makes me so angry. i just wish the whole thing with her never happened and we were just friends.

but anyway on to something else. oh i know... katie bober. i love this girl to death. i feel like shes my little sister and i have to watch over everything she does. there is nothing in this world that could make me think anything less of her. i would do anything for her. but sometimes man i wonder about her. actually its just this one time but it still counts. this whole thing between her and antonio. i get so scared that something is gonna happen and her heart is gonna be broken. i like antonio and i trust him .. its just.. i dont know i just have this feeling. don't get the wrong picture of this cuz its not like i dont want them to hook up but i just don't want anyone getting hurt. especially katie bober. lol i cant even say just katie when im typing. its always gotta be katie bober. yeah so anyways good luck with that but im always and forever will be here for you. love ya too much to see anything ever happen to you.

alright well thats all for today. cya later.

Current Mood: frustrated
8:24 pm
people get on my nerves
you know i thought things would be good now between jewls and i but heir not. when i went to the competition on sunday i thought it would be a good time. we would go to the competition, we would og out to lunch like last time and we would have good fun. yeah so we got there adn everything was cool. i had my shirt and bandana and dana and project had their posters. and to my surprise the love of my life showed up. i saw her walk in the door and everything just seemed to go in slow motion. my heart began to beat rapidly and it felt like i hea\\ad butterflies in my stomach. And in walked, Janet. LOL. I'm so funny. Not that none of this was true. HAHA. Anyway back to the story. so like 2 other padua seniors walked in and it was cool but hen i saw joe and adam walk in. Wel actually dana pointed them out, but so they came and satr by us cuz we were like the padua clan. its like my day just sucked from there. i just wanted the day to be over. i thuink the only good thing that came out of this was that dana was able to talk to him and become real close to joe. thats good cuz i know hes a real nice guy but obviously he doesnt like me right now. so like we cheered and blah blah blah. so afterwards we went to Damon's like we normally do. and we had fun so it was all cool. wrong. Like duroing the whole time it didn't even bother me that joe was there cuz i actually wanted to try and get to know him. but i kinda shyed away cuz i was like i'll talk to him when like no one else is around. i want to get everything on the table that i don't like her anymore and all that kinda stuff. but i didn't. so yeah i had fun with the group we were with but things are just even more messed up with me and jewls. i do't even like her at all anymore. at least right now. like right now i couldn't even cosider her a friend. its wrong but its true. the simplest thing ticked me off. that whole time we ewere there, she couldn't even say "Hi" or even acknowledge iwas there. it's like if joe is around then forget that i exist. it pisses me off. so today at school i just completely ignored her. like she looked at me and smiled and i just looked at her with a like a frown on my face and turned my head up and kept walking. and it makes me mad cuz she is a wonderful person but that just really ticked me off. so yeah all i can say is .. i don't even know what to say to her.
and Joe i really apologize. im sorry for everything. i know he's not reading this but at least im getting it out.

alright well i'll write more later tonight cuz i gotta go soon. later everyone.

Current Mood: disappointed
Thursday, February 6th, 2003
9:54 pm
wow
man life sux. u think your finally over someone and your obviously not. ok so its only been like 3 days but im so pissed off. i still like her and probably will for a long time, but jewls and i didnt even like acknowledge each others presence today. i mean i can live with the fact that im porbably never gonna have her as a girlfriend but to have the feeling that your losing a best friend is just something that i never let happen. so im gonna try and work things out there, but it gets worse. today in practice i sprained my damn ankle again. you go up for a rebound to work your ass off and impress the coach and maybe get some play time in the upcoming game and what happens i fricking twist the damn thing on someone elses foot. at least now i have an excuse for not playing but it doesnt matter cuz i dont play as it is. alright i'll live. at least i hope. man i feel sorry for whoever reads this tuff, cuz i just seem to always have bad days. but don't worry life is all good as long as janet and katie bober and megan are around. they always seem to put smiles on my face even when things are going wrong. man maybe im just a sucker for beautiful faces and beautiful people. man im such a suck up but its all true. alright well i need some sleep. gnite.

Current Mood: pissed off
Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
10:18 pm
I'm Bored
im sitting here really bored so i decided to write in this journal. well i guess im finally accepting the fact that jewls and joe are together and i have to back off. i wanna saty away just becausse i dont want anyone thinking im trying to break them up. so i'm trying to get over her. but if her and joe break up you can count on me being there right away. lol. but i wish good luck to both of you and i hope you guys are happy. yeah so anyway i should really be working on my karios essay but i think i'll do that tomorrow. alright well i have absolutley nothing to say so i hope to cya you all later.
Monday, February 3rd, 2003
9:59 pm
This Bites!
i hate life. actually i just hate the so called "love" life. ok it was a normal day nothing changed. it was just a normal day. but i decided to get enough guts to call up julianne and talk to her about some stuff. i called her the first time and we had a pretty good conversation. i told her about winter firmal and all that and we were laughin about stuff and it was fun but i had to get off and take my sister to her dance class thing. so i told jewls i still needed to talk to her about something important so i would call her back after i got back. she got a little scared but i told her it was nothing big. so i called her back after i got back and we were talking about some stupid stuff but it was fun. so i finally grew some balls and told her i needed to ask her something. i needed to know whether or not we still had anything going besides our frienship. now i am in no way trying to break up her and joe. actually i have nothing wrong with joe. i mean im jealous cuz he's with jewls and obviously im not. but joe seems like a good guy i just never got to meet him and i think hes out to get me or something. so anyway we're talking and all i got out of it was that this thing with hert and joe is going good right now.i wasnt able to gewt into depth with it cuz she had to go but i still gotta talk to her. im not trying to get sympathy from her i just need to know where this is going........ if anywhere.i need to know whether i should be patient ot should i go on. i wanna be with her but if her and joe are happy then i gotta move on. im just really down right now. man life sucks. well thats it for nnow but ill get more. later.

Current Mood: depressed
Saturday, February 1st, 2003
6:58 pm
what a week
i cant believe im still doing this thing. alright well the past couple days i've been doing some thinking. and i kinda feel like thats a bad thing cuz everytime i start to think it makes me feel down. like you think about one thing and a million other things arise from it. like i've been thinking about me and jewls and if this is ever gonna go somehwere. i dont even know if she has any feelings for me excet for being friends. everytime i call her and try to find out i guess i chicken out. it seems so hard just to get in a conversation like that. and then i started realizing that i like someone else and im not gonna give her name cuz that would probably turn out to be bad. but it seems that this happens a lot. i realize one thing and it leads to another. well on the positive side i had a bunch of my best friends over on friday. too bad janet and mr and mrs higins couldnt be there. but now i guess we're not going bowling cuz everyone wants to play the dance dance revolution game. its cool though cuz everyone seems to have a good time and i like to hang out with my friends and not have to spend the money. haha. but yeah well i gotta get going or im gonna be late. cya later.
Thursday, January 30th, 2003
10:52 pm
first one
well janet this is the first one so we'll see how it goes. there is so much stuff to do. alright nuthin really went on today. pretty much like everyday. i started off the day good with an awesome note from janet. i love that girl. well since then nuthin has really happened. me and dana laughed at joe as he walked by today which is always fun to do considering he tries to give me mean looks and scare me or something. i really dont understand that kid. he must think im jealous that he had jewls and im stuck with nuthing. oh wait i am jealous you jerk. haha. anyway, im still girlfriendless and still going after the same person. i have no idea where that is going. but i gotta go so i hope to cya you later.
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